Tags: Angela Featherstone | Ben Affleck | Brian McCardie | Casey Affleck | Christina Ricci | Courtney Love | David Chapelle | David Johan | Elvis Costello | Gaby Hoffmann | Guillermo Diaz | Janeane Garofalo | Jay Mohr | Kate Hudson | Martha Plimpton | Nicole Parker | Paul Rudd | Risa Bramon Garcia

You probably don't even need to read a review of this one. It's been hyped up like a Pentagon/CNN war, and from the title and the movie poster you know that it is a hip version of the old Sir Lancelot type stories.

But be warned: if you are looking for a straight and highly entertaining historical drama a la Gladiator - which was relatively accurate, visually spectacular and full of compelling characters - you are looking for sushi at your local pub.

This is the Middle Ages as seen through the eyes of the dipsh*t producers at MTV, and the result is an unbearably long 132 minutes of laughable plot, wooden characters and dumb-ass dialogue. The egregious anachronisms are too many and too painful to count - although the Nike product placement takes the bitter cake - and the jousting action only barely quickens the pulse.

Heath Ledger plays a handsome young squire who wants to be the Rocky Balboa of 14th century France, and tries to score the comely Shannyn Sossamon as a soundtrack of Bowie, Clapton and Queen rocks the computer generated background. The contemporary slang inflected narrative voice of Geoffry Chaucer only serves to add insult to fatal injury.

Thinky says: Fill mine goblet with mead and accept thy punishment! Argh!