Tags: Helena Bonham Carter | Mark Wahlberg | Michael Clarke Duncan | Paul Giamatti | Tim Burton | Tim Roth

If you didn't enjoy the original Planet of the Apes film or its first few sequals, you probably don't breathe much.

This re-make had Thinky pysched, and it does begin and end well, but it middles middlingly. Director Tim Burton says he has revisited Apes, not remade it, but let's face it, this is the same friggin' story.

An iconoclastic adventurer crashes on a mysterious land ruled by battle-happy apes, where he befriends some of them while trying to get back home. Along the way, we learn what brought the apes there and how they got so chatty.

It's a good-looking movie, beautifully shot and designed. In fact, the motion picture academy can engrave this year's makeup trophy right now.

The apes look Koko caliber real, but you can still detect the emotions and expressions projected by the actors underneath. As Planet of the Apes (nice extras are on the Special Edition) works toward the finale, you begin to wonder how it can top the original's conclusion, one of the great 'wha-wha-wha-what?' twists of all time, but I like this ending even better. And what is that ending? Could it be that Wahlberg turns into Dirk Diggler and makes ape porn? Don't believe the hype, but it's close.

Thinky says: oooh oooh ah ah [monkey noises].